If you combine reading this hi-larious script with a flip through an oily Brad Pitt photo shoot from [throw rock, hit any current title] Magazine, it'll be like watching Troy--only 2.5 hours shorter*, $10.25 cheaper, and ten times funnier:
Beach of Troy, The Next Day- excerpted from Troy in 15 Minutes [via boingboing]PRIAM: Woot! The Greeks have left! And look! They left such a nice big horsie, too!
PROPHET: Itís an offering to Poseidon for a safe journey home.
PARIS: I say we burn it.
PROPHET: Son, youíve been an idiot and a coward this whole movie. Weíre not about to start listening to you now.
PRIAM: Besides, the Greeks couldnít possibly have an ulterior motive for leaving a giant horse big enough to hide a couple dozen soldiers! Letís bring it back to the city!
Inside the City of TroyPEOPLE OF TROY: Paaaaaaartay!
PARIS: *mopes*
PEOPLE OF TROY: *get bombed and fall asleep in the gutter*
The Greeks climb out of the horse, affording the ladies in the audience a spectacular view.
WOMEN IN AUDIENCE: *wolf whistle SQUEEEE throw dollar bills at screen*
The Greeks kill all the tanked guards and let the rest of the army in. They set the city on fire, start killing everyone, and panic ensues.
ODYSSEUS: Achilles, where are you going?
ACHILLES: *scales up the palace wall like a ninja*
* to be honest, I haven't finished it yet.
movies | writing | posted by greg at May 21, 2004 11:53 AM | TrackBack