WTF? T-Mobile’s “Funny Message Generator”

I just found this bizarre “feature” on my My T-Mobile two-way text messaging site. It’s called the Funny Message Generator, and it inserts one of the following allegedly funny phrases into your message. IDGI. Here’s a screenshot
> Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
> He/she was so ugly that whenever they would go into the bank, the electric eye would water.
> You are unique like everyone else.
> Why is abbreviation such a long word?
> ywnbwihttygmac–You will never believe what I have to tell you. Give me a call.
> N-Sync and the Spice Girls are the same band. Have you ever seen them at the same time?
> U R it. Write me back.
> Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
> I need your help stamping out, eliminating and abolishing redundancy.

Boxing Isabella: Guy Maddin’s Production Diary


Guy Maddin, image: villagevoice.com

Also from the Voice: I have no idea what to make of Guy Maddin’s production diary for his newest film, The Saddest Music in the World, but it’s good readin’. Something to do with a legless Isabella Rossellini. Don’t let the film’s absence from Maddin’s IMDb entry get to you, either. (I mean, if Charlie Kaufman’s brother can get nominated for an Oscar…)
Maddin’s got a joint at the Tribeca Film Festival and a Dracula: The Ballet movie opening at FilmForum next week. Really.

On What are you working on?

I don’t mean in the sense of “So, what do you do?” for people whose profession (e.g., writers, filmmakers…especially writers) might not appear to involve actually doing very much.
I mean in the nosy sense. A boss or busybody or fisher of insider information might ask you what you’re working on, leaving you to wonder what, exactly, they’re getting at. To avoid the appearance of micromanaging, hovering, or intrusion, the passive aggressive boss might install cameras (“They’re just webcams!” he might say chirpily.) and offer assurances that they’ll only be accessible “to Charles and James and myself,” and all they’re for is to “read the whiteboard in the lab” or to “see if you’re there before coming over” (telephones being an outmoded way of contacting you, apparently).
Then, when the “webcam” is installed, and it turns out to be housed in a little smoked glass dome, and to pan and zoom, via remote control, then your boss really will know what you’re working on, because now, he can follow you around the lab with his camera. At meetings, the webcamming managers will giggle at their new toy, which in the very techy, science-y, even, culture of your workplace, is now an object of gadget envy, by people who don’t work within its lens’s reach, of course.

Monitor, 1998, Craig Kalpakjian, Andrea Rosen Gallery, image:momentaart.org
Monitor, 1998, Craig Kalpakjian
Andrea Rosen Gallery, image:momentaart.org

In the first week, you’ll know your boss knows what you’re working on, because it’ll turn out the “webcam” can read a monitor on an experiment–oh, and your computer screen–from across the room. It can zoom in on your colleague’s nascent ear hair, “Did you know Craig has ear hair?” becoming a topic of conversation among the admins in your bosses’ offices. IT people you’ve never met will smile at you in the hall, and say hi like an old friend. Occasionally, a stranger’ll just drop by to chat; she’d always meant to introduce herself before–you seemed so interesting. Her eyes dart furtively to the black dome and back as you talk, and you say to yourself, if she were a cop, she’d blow the sting.
Your neck and shoulders will seize up by the end of the week, and only when you point out to your male colleague that they’re checking out his ass, too, you know, will his disgust for the ideological implications of these controlling cameras overcome his entrenched gadgetophilia. When you impose on the head of the project for a few minutes of his time that afternoon, he will explain the extremely circumscribed authorized uses–and users–of the camera and he’ll reassure you that any fears you will have are unfounded. Then he’ll ask, in confidence, why, have you heard something different? Then you’ll unfold the totality of the harsh spotlight you are under, the misuse and intrusion that inexorably attends the installation of surveillance cameras, and that will missioncreep back, as long as the cameras are there.
Late on that Friday afternoon, a stern mass email will go out–he’s a pretty no-nonsense guy, all said and done–from the project head, “the cameras will be disabled immediately, pending the development of an appropriate use policy.” An IT guy you’ve never seen will say hi to you as if you’d shared an office once when he comes to hastily remove the cable. When you come in on Monday, you’ll be surprised to see the cameras gone, even their bolt holes puttied and painted over. You’ll login to your email to find another mass email from the project head, announcing the cameras’ demise, timestamped Saturday evening.
This surveillance camera drama is brought to you courtesy of my wife and her colleagues at NASA. See performances with far unhappier endings, by the Surveillance Camera Players, at “Psy-Geo-Conflux” this weekend, a culture happening you’ll still not quite grasp after reading this Village Voice article. I do get that the cool Wooster Collective folks‘ll be doing a walking tour of street art, though.

WTC Memorial charette update; Maya Lin on the Vietnam competition

Been fielding some interesting responses from people on the WTC charette, including several about the word, “charette.” A couple of people said it’s snooty, a couple complained that it’s architect-y, a couple complained it’s French. As they say in darts, nice grouping. Please feel free to call it a roundtable, a workshop, a klatsch, hell, call it a “freedom cart” if your politics demands. Just call.
Several folks, including me and the aforelinked Jeff Jarvis, have been concerned about how the competition requirements (one 30×40-inch board) may skew against non-architects’ proposals: no slick, no realized, no comprehensive, no chance. This prompted me to track down Maya Lin’s 1982 account of entering the Vietnam Memorial competition, which she only published in 2000 in her book, Boundaries.
Even in my last WTC memorial post, I was unconciously channeling Lin’s essay. I mean, I knew she shows up in my script for Souvenir (November 2001), but still. It was the degree to which the Lutyens memorial at Thiepval influenced her that sets S(N01) in motion. Here’s part of what she says:

To walk past those [75,000] names [on the Thiepval memorial] and realize those lost lives — the effect of that is the strength of the design. This memorial acknowledged those lives without focusing on the war or on creating a political statement of victory or loss. This apolitical approach became the essential aim of my design, — I did not want to civilize war by glorifying it or by forgetting the sacrifices involved. The price of human life in war should always be clearly remembered.
But on a personal level, I wanted to focus on the nature of accepting and coming to terms with a loved one’s death. Simple as it may seem, I remember feeling that accepting a person’s death is the first step in being able to overcome that loss.
I felt that as a culture we were extremely youth-oriented and not willing or able to accept death or dying as a part of life. The rites of mourning, which in more primitive and older cultures were very much a part of life, have been suppressed in our modern times. In the design of the memorial, a fundamental goal was to be honest about death, since we must accept that loss in order to begin to overcome it. The pain of the loss will always be there, it will always hurt, but we must acknowledge the death in order to move on.
What then would bring back the memory of a person? A specific object or image would be limiting. A realistic sculpture would be only one interpretation of that time. I wanted something that all people could relate to on a personal level. At this time I had as yet no form, no specific artistic image.
The use of names was a way to bring back everything someone could remember about a person.

With this powerful realization–which perfectly met the competition requirements of including the names of all 57,000 Vietnam casualties on the memorial–Lin’s submission was so simple, it prompted one judge to react, “He must really know what he is doing to dare to do something so naive.” She submitted “drawings in soft pastels, very mysterious, very painterly, and not at all typical of architectural drawings.” In fact, she spent more time on the one-page essay, which she felt was critical to understanding her idea. (This text is on the official NPS site.) The takeaway from this: Your proposal can be compelling enough to win, if your idea is compelling enough to win.

Film Credits

Graydon Carter better get a haircut. According to this Observer article, he may be due in court, to explain why his first film, The Kid Stays In The Picture, the Robert Evans story, is reminiscent of, inspired by, slightly similar to an utter appropriation of the 15-minute film director David Weisman’s made as a pitch for an Evans documentary. If your tendency is to dismiss such claims as weak attempts at coattail-riding, please reserve your judgment until Carter explains his “the producer thanks” credit for Hector Babenco, the director of Kiss of the Spider Woman. Brilliant story. [Read my first KSITP post, and listen to an excerpt from the, ahem, addictive audiobook.]

…in front of my house.

…in front of my house. Bringing the car into the city + alternate-side parking + pumping WiFi out your window = posting from said car, now double-parked, waiting for the Brownies to pass you by.

Join a WTC Memorial Discussion/Charette

A couple of people saw some cynicism my last post on the WTC Memorial competition’s designation as “open to all” and “part of the mourning process.” It was partly a reaction to that member of the axis of eager, Jeff Jarvis. And there’s my (not unfounded) skepticism about poorly guided democratic/populist design solutions. But mostly, it was about my own ambivalence about the process itself, what role a memorial there will play, and the use/impact/value of my own response.
I made a film about memorials, which looks at how people and places mark and deal with terrible events. I intended it to be something useful to people–to New York–for dealing with the WTC attacks. It occurred to me that the WTC Memorial competition is precisely when I/it can be of some use. But since it’s not in any way definitive, or authoritative, or even necessarily that influential, the way it can contribute is as one perspective in a discussion among equals. If I am ambivalent-yet-still-interested in proposing a design for the WTC Memorial, there are probably others in the same situation.
WTC Memorial site, image: LMDCFor me, and you (if you’re in the same competition boat as me), I’m putting together a WTC Memorial charette.
What’s a charette, you say? In architecture, it’s a quick-fire, problem-solving design exercise. When MoMA held one to select their architect, participants whipped up their ideas, models and sketches and submitted them in a shirt-box. Even though it’s called a charette, this exercise will put more emphasis on discussion and problem-solving and less on specific design. The goal will be to discuss our own real–not hypothetical–questions, ideas, and challenges around making our proposals for the WTC Memorial. Then, after an invigorating, thoughtful, and (hopefully) interesting charette, we’ll all be primed to make our proposals to the competition.
Here’s how I envision it so far:

  • It’ll be a small group (8-10 people max; I already have 4), with an architect moderating, but with a healthy mix of professionals (architects, artists, designers) and amateurs (everybody else). Importantly, there are no armchair generals; each participant must be registering for the competition. (For those who want to follow along, we’ll put it on the website.)
  • If you already know exactly what should go on the WTC site, congratulations and best of luck. This charette won’t be of use to you.
  • Demagogues need not apply. Since only brilliant people will participate, there will be no need to prove our brilliance to each other.
  • This isn’t a way to find a partner, join a team, or crib designs from others. If some people click and decide to work together afterwards, that’s cool, but it’s not expected.
  • Thoughtfulness is expected. Experience and expertise are welcome; credentialism, however, can wait in the hall. If you’re seriously entering the competition, and you have questions and issues around the memorial, mission, design, or competition, you’re qualified to participate.
  • How much preparation you do is up to you. At minimum, though, be familiar with the official competition materials. The charette should be a means, not an end in itself, though, so don’t go overboard. If it contributes to the program, I’ll show my short film, Souvenir (November 2001).
  • Logistical details are TBD, but it’ll be a couple of hours, on an evening or weekend, near the end of May, in NYC. If you’ve got ideas for a place, network, or other useful resources, don’t be shy.
  • Don’t think this is at all a proprietary deal, either. If this group fills up, and you want to start another one, be my guest. To participate, or if you have any questions or suggestions, email me at gregPosted on Categories world trade center memorial
  • Mr. Nunberg Goes To Washington

    NPR’s Fresh Air may be the only media outlet with a linguist on its masthead. Check out Geoff Nunberg‘s fascinating 29 April discussion of the Right’s writers’ distinctive and repeated and rhythmic use of conjunctions, a rhetorical device known as polysyndeton. Nunberg (whose site at Stanford has a transcript and extensive excerpts in the footnotes) traces polysyndeton’s “voice of the common man”-ist usage from Walt Whitman through some thought-provoking film world sources.

    On First Films

    John Malkovich has been doing the media circuit for The Dancer Upstairs, his directorial debut, and it sounds pretty respectable.
    It got me thinking, so I made some Amazon lists for your blogger-/info-/shopper-tainment:

  • Directors’ famously first movies
  • What I really want to do is direct, movies by ____-turned-directors.
    Bonus links [thanks, Fimoculous]: 25th Hour author David Benioff writes in the Guardian about adapting his nearly unpublished novel, first for Tobey Maquire, then for Spike Lee. He sounds a lot tougher than he did in W Magazine. Maybe it’s because he’s sharing writing credit with, um, Homer on his next movie.
    Or because he’s published alongside Thomas freakin’ Pynchon, who takes a thoughtful, ultimately optimistic look at Orwell’s 1984.

  • Libeskind’s Uncomfortable Wedgie of Light

    A controversy is brewing over Daniel Libeskind’s design for the WTC site, which is moving, rapidly and significantly, from what he’d originally proposed–and won with. The NYTimes‘ Edward Wyatt is on top of things. Yesterday, he reported on a study which showed one of the Libeskind design’s core elements, the Wedge of Light–a zone where unobstructed sunlight shone in between his buildings every Sept. 11th morning–was a physical impossibility. Busted, Libeskind tried to pretend that, all along, the Wedge wasn’t literal but metaphorical. From someone whose design is based on making symbolism and metaphor into the literal and physical, it’s an unconvincing crock.

    Today, Wyatt collects some other opinions, including one from “Dream Team” member, Richard Meier (himself no slouch in the not-coming-clean-about-your-WTC-design department), who asks, “How could you not take it literally?” (Remember, a Liberty Wall, symbolizing the Constitution and a 1,776-foot tower are the other major elements of the design.) In addition to the collapsed tower fragment-shaped, tic-tac-toe buildings, the Dream Team proposal included a garden of trees and lights,in the shape of the Twin Towers’ shadows, which would have extended across the World Financial Center and into the Hudson. It was a moving design; I hope they’ll pony up $25 and enter it in the memorial competition.

    Other changes Libeskind’s made so far: making room for the MTA’s bus station by shortening his foundation wall from 7 stories to 3 (roughly the depth of the Rockefeller Center skating rink), placing said bus station under the designated Memorial site, encasing said wall in a “glazed screen,” and cantilevering his museum over the footprint of the North Tower. Maybe these were all part of his winning proposal. Why not ask Libeskind about that?

    Tina’s Pity She’s A Horse

    Tina Brown, image: nbcmv.comHear she got some friends together and put on a show. Missed it. Sushi & too-low-flying airplanes in Arlington. When Tina first broached Topic A, she threatened/promised more Larry than Charlie; if Gawker’s transcript of the Brown-on-Diller&Gladwell action’s any indication, she delivered. We can’t say we weren’t warned.
    But in her Times column, she kicks herself (“I should have booked Celine Dion.”), Philip Johnson-style, who quickly called himself a whore before anyone else could beat him to it. But in an article where she also describes the dismal White House Correspondents’ dinner, is not the whores, or even Celine Dion (ba-dum-bum), but a horse, whose image lingers longest. Not just any horse, mind you, a “Republican warhorse,” the best the dinner could do in the “celebrity” department, Bo Derek.
    Bo Derek, in Tarzan, image: skynet.be“Horse,” a not-unimportant word to the actress herself (more on that later), turns out to be one of only nine words (7 distinct words, 9 total) I actually remember hearing from Bo Derek’s mouth, in a torturous scene from Tarzan, the Ape Man. Derek, as Jane, and her father (played by the late, lamenting Richard Harris) had been captured by (literally whitewashed) savages. As the savages prep her as an offering to their Chief, Bo, on all fours, moans the immortal line, “They’re painting me! They’re washing me like a horse!” It’s worth noting that the director who put Bo in this scene was her husband (and Richard Harris age-alike), John Derek. (See another clip here for some equally unforgettable readings.)
    Rather than buy this horrible movie (which is only on VHS, anyway), why not get Bo’s revealing new book about her relationships with her creepy old ex-husband and his other ex-wives, Ursula Andress and Linda Evans. It’s title? Riding Lessons: Everything That Matters in Life I Learned from Horses Let’s see Rick Santorum explain that one. Forget Celine. Tina on Bo and Rick: now that’s a 3-way worth watching

    Painless Prediction: A Wave of Raves for Jerry Springer: The Opera

    Michael Brandon as Jerry, image: nt-online.org

    Guardian‘s Michael Billington’s got one that begins: “Reviewing an already acclaimed show is a bit like arriving sober at a party where everyone else is drunk.” Here’s a giddy Telegraph profile of Tom Morris, who put on the show at London’s Battersea Arts Centre. Comedian/bookwriter/director Stewart Lee’s site has dozens more.
    As one who is writing an Animated Musical on a counterintuitive, quite contemporary subject, I, for one, hail our new operatic overlords.
    JSTO opened tonight at the Lyttleton, National Theatre

    Bloghdad.com/The_Police

    [Boston Globe, via Travelers Diagram, et al]

    ”The President looks in the mirror and speaks
    His shirts are clean but his country reeks
    Unpaid bills
    Afghanistan hills.”
    These pointedly political lyrics to ”Bombs Away,” a song on The Police’s 1980 album ”Zenyatta Mondatta,” were penned by the New Wave band’s drummer Stewart Copeland, who knew exactly what he was talking about. Born in 1952 and raised in the Middle East, Stewart is the son of Miles Copeland, a notorious American CIA agent. According to a report on the Saddam Hussein-CIA connection issued earlier this month by United Press International, in the early 1960s Miles Copeland was frequently in contact with the future Iraqi president, who’d been smuggled into Cairo with CIA assistance after his failed assassination attempt on Iraq’s prime minister.

    Read Richard Sale’s UPI story.
    Read Miles Copeland’s 1974 “humintel classic,” Without Cloak or Dagger: The Truth About the New Espionage.
    Decipher another line from “Bombs Away,” courtesy the Sting, etc. lyrics archive: “The general only wants to teach France to dance”
    Buy the CD (In the off chance this wasn’t the first CD you bought when you started replacing your tape collection)

    WTC Memorial: We’re All Designers Now

    That could be the sub-title of this site, really. I made Souvenir (November 2001), in part, to ask what could New York be like in 80 years, after the generation of us who experienced the attacks are all gone. How would the as-yet unborn people then and there remember us here and now? I should clarify: us=those who experienced (ie, died, survived, rescued, ran, watched, etc.). And already, in less than two years, here and now is becoming then and there.
    Now, (tens of? hundreds of?) thousands of designs for the WTC Memorial will start pouring in, invariably affected by the intervening events, mourning, healing, revenge, renewal, bitterness, anger, loss, politics, war, protest, obfuscation, certainties and uncertainties. Although Rules have been set, but not in stone: submitters should feel free to “go where their imaginations, where their mourning needs to take them.” On the LMDC’s registration information site, the only surprise is that they’re not accepting Paypal.
    WWI itself changed the memorial game. For the first time, it was not just the generals and heros, but the average soldier–the individual, not an abstracted symbol–was to be memorialized and remembered. Metal dogtags were a standardized response to the sheer numbers of the Missing in WWI. Like the Thiepval Memorial, the object of two New Yorkers’ search in S(N01), the WTC Memorial will also serve as a grave-by-proxy for the hundreds whose remains were never identified.
    Due in part to an overly individual-centric reading of the Viet Nam Memorial’s personal/collective experience, the focus of memorial designs in Oklahoma City and the Pentagon is almost wholly on the lost individual and “achieving closure.” And now, the individual is designing the memorial. Maybe if designing is such an effective way to meet our memorializing needs, we should just set up a perpetual workshop on the site. Of course, what would that look like to people 80 years from now?