The following were not reasons for my not posting for five days: Was walking the dog in the park at 4AM and "fell for a con" [Is that what they call it on Oz now, Kevin?]
Was hiring a hitman to ice my daddy-aged roommate.
Was skewering Plum Sykes' book, Bergdorf Blondes so skilfully she may not even feel it. [Get it straight, people: THOSE SYKES'S ARE NOT TWINS.]
Was shopping for napkin rings with my bestest friend (we agreed it's OK to see other people).
Was taking the 8 week-old kid to occupational therapy for sensory integration development.