For several months in 1999, it seemed the only reason I even had an email account was for sending and receiving copies of this article from The Onion. Then the chain was broken, The Onion had no online archive, &c., &c., no need to bore you with the details. Now that the paper has made their entire archive available online, I have a reason to log back in to my hotbot account. Thank you, The Onion!
“I was at the Olive Garden by Woodfield Mall,” Koechley said, “when I noticed a small sign stating that the restaurant was one of over 1,500 Olive Gardens nationwide. I didn’t think about it at first, but later on it hit me: There are only about 40 of them in Schaumburg. Where are all those others?”
Schaumburg Man Dimly Aware Of Shadowy, Non-Schaumburg World Out There [theonion.com via waxy]