On The Real The Real Cancun
“Who wants to star in The Real Cancun 2?” image: therealcancun.com
As a maker of documentary-looking films, I was a reluctant fan of New Line’s The Real Cancun once I figured out what it was. Now that I’ve read Joel Stein’s hi-larious review in New Line’s corporate sibling pub, Time, I’m now a fan of entertainment synergy, too. The real Real Cancun sounds even better than the film itself:
…[the film’s 16 thrown-together non-actors] indirectly deliver the requisite moral lesson of a teen comedy: casual sex, even for loutish frat boys, is a pain. “In our house, the girls got all hurt if we brought another girl home,” says Matt, 20, an Arizona State student. “They acted like we were a big family, but we’d only known each other for a few days.”
…
“There were things that the producers told me I couldn’t do,” says Casey, 25, a Miami model. “There was one point where I hooked up with Trishelle from The Real World Las Vegas [who was there for MTV], and the producer said I wasn’t allowed to hang out with her because she’s under contract for other things.”
And unlike documentarians, the producers, who have to work with MTV in their day jobs, felt it prudent to edit out the more controversial scenes, such as the one in which the twins have an angry, cursing fight with rapper Snoop Dogg in his post-concert trailer after, they say, he tried to get amorous with them…says twin Nicole, “Celebs like him are just average normal people. But he’s more of a slut than the average person”
…
“I’d rather be known for this instead of being smart or something,” says [other twin, Roxanne]. “There’s a million people who are smart. There’s only 16 of us who were in Cancun together.”
Maybe this year, Roxanne. [Even Lawrence Van Der Gelder’s entirely point-missing NYT review is entertaining.]
Bloghdad.com/Just_For_Kids
A new kid in town is competing with Club Iguana at
The Westin Rio Mar Beach’s Club, image:westinriomar.com
“At Club Iguana kids get to have all the fun! Every day, we welcome Westin’s young guests age 4 to 12 with activities planned especially for them.”
Sensing that Westin missed a lucrative opportunity, Brown & Root, the operators of the 16-and over Camp Delta on Guantanamo, Cuba (just a short military flight from Rio Mar, PR!), have created Camp Iguana, specially designed for kids ages 13-15. While it’s admittedly no Westin, if the extreme loyalty of Camp Delta’s clientele is any gauge (read my October review), Camp Iguana’s operators, Brown and Root, are sure to have a sensation on their hands. When Camp Iguana’s normally tight-lipped staff talk about their program, they do so in metaphors that pay homage to Cuba’s two national sports, baseball and repression:
[Camp Counselor] Richard Myers: “They may be juveniles, but they’re not on a little-league team anywhere, they’re on a major league team, and it’s a terrorist team. And they’re in Guantanamo for a very good reason — for our safety, for your safety.”
[Camp Director] Donald Rumsfeld: “And this constant refrain of ‘the juveniles,’ as though there’s a hundred children in there — these are not children … There are plenty of people who have been killed by people who were still in their teens.”
Like so many other Caribbean hideaways, Camp Iguana is almost unknown in the US, but Europeans are sure excited about it. So how can your juvenile get a spot? Well, it may sound unfair, but like so much in life, scoring a spot in Camp Iguana depends on attending the right madrassas. Call for reservations.
*Ah-choo!* Sorry. Just got back from Toronto and I can’t seem to shake this cold
I told this, the newest Worst Joke In The World, last night at dinner, which turned out to be an inadvertent prelude to a Night Of Canadian Hilarity.
Talked about the AM script, which has several Canadian settings and elements, and is, obviously hilarious. Talked about South Park, too.
Read this funny, slight Timothy Noah piece in Slate about “the novelty of seeing the words “danger” and “Toronto” in the same sentence.”
Saw the kooky Mayor of Toronto on The Daily Show. He reminded me of Robert Novak doing a bad Ed Koch.
But the surprise was a midnight screening of the first contemporary film to deal with the Torontonian Threat, a film I only recently learned was about the US staging a phony war against Canada, a film you might even call the 300-pound gorilla of Blame Canada Movies,Canadian Bacon.
It was largely funny, intermittently hilarious, but it had some really slack moments, too. Like Orgazmo, Gangs of New York or The Cremaster Cycle, Canadian Bacon feels made by a supreme creator, someone who can’t/won’t take (or doesn’t get) any suggestions or advice. They’re all unconventional concepts coming from auteurs with unassailable-seeming points of view, which may inhibit people from giving suggestions. Maybe the auteurs, having convinced themselves that no one else could understand their vision, closed themselves off to outside perspectives. Whatever, in any case, all thesemovies had tremendous promise, moments of greatness and unnecessary flaws.
Perhaps one IMDb user said it best: “Of course, only somebody like Roger Moore could make this movie.”
Cremaster Alert: Matthew Barney
If I just heard right, Matthew Barney will be interviewed by Leonard Lopate on WNYC at 12pm.
[1pm update: hmm.]
The entire Cremaster Cycle is showing at Film Forum, starting Friday. Seeing it all will involve multiple tickets and rearranging your life.
Bloghdad.com/When_In_Rome
It depends on how you count. If you group desks+chairs together with vases+cuneiform+manuscripts, we are now seeing the second wave of looting in Iraq. Still to come: US-imposed mass privatization of the Iraqi infrastructure/patrimony opening the Iraqi economy to foreign investment, but I digress. [And just sounded alarmingly like a lobster-puppet-wielding globalization protester for a minute, there. Just one of those fluctuations in The Matrix.]
Anyway, the second wave: journalists and soldiers, or Our Troops, as they’re known on TV.
For the benefit of those whose last shock-and-awe came from applying buy-and-hold to dot-com-stocks, this US soldier is holding up a $100K brick. image: Rick Loomis, latimes.com
[Rule #1 of Three Kings: There should only be three of you. Rule #2 of Three Kings: You can say “don’t tell anyone about Three Kings,” but, hell-o, every one of you and your bosses has seen it. WTF]
Speaking of Trains…
The Amtrak I took from DC to NYC this afternoon hit a person on the tracks, just north of the North Philadelphia station. While it took them nearly half an hour to inform us, it was immediately apparent to those of us in the first car that the person had died. Nearly two hours later, another northbound train stopped alongside, and TV news helicopters hovered overhead as all 2-300 of us climbed aboard.
Many people began trading our respective fragments of information. They’d seen a knot of policemen on the tracks, but had heard only there was “an obstruction” and a “mechanical problem”; while we’d been told immediately that the train had hit “a tresspasser,” later overheard to have been a “suicide,” but we never saw any sign of the accident. Finally, once the second train was underway, a conductor announced there had been “a fatality.”
In awkward cell phone conversations, we all tried to explain our delay, conflicted over sounding either too callously selfish or too fascinated.
[update: The Inquirer mentions the suicide in “Accident, derailment delay SEPTA riders.”]
Bloghdad.com/Proclamations
“Our armies,” [British Lt General Stanley Maude] declared [on 9 March, 1916], “do not come into your cities and lands as conquerors, but as liberators.” Within three years, 10,000 had died in a national Iraqi uprising against the British rulers, who gassed and bombed the insurgents.
— Seumas Milne in the Guardian
Harper’s published The Proclamation of Baghdad (circa 1916) in the May 2003 issue, but, remarkably, I can’t find the complete text anywhere online. So I transcribed it and put it alongside GW Bush’s unsettlingly similar televised address to the Iraqi people from 10 April 2003. [Thanks, Roger & Harper’s for bibliographic information]
Read the Proclamations of Baghdad here.
And I hereby proclaim these proclamations to be the launch of greg.org Features.
Introducing greg.org Features
I swear, I wrote this on the train, before seeing Jason’s latest post. If only I’d waited till I got home, perhaps I’d just switch to Movable Type/TypePad and forget the whole thing:
Sometimes, my posts get a bit long. (Usually, I notice this when a reader–invariably not from The New Yorker–asks if I’m auditioning for The New Yorker.)
Sometimes, actual interviewing, research, reporting will yield far more information than will fit in a post.
Sometimes, there may actually be a lot to tell.
Sometimes, a topic or theme stretches across several posts, and it makes sense to group them together.
Sometimes, I’ll start with a simple link, and before you or I realize it, I’ve got an 800-word…something.
It used to bug me when such too-long posts would break up the flow of greg.org. Fortunately, this era of renaming your problems away offers the solution: now, on greg.org, a too-long post is not a bug, it’s a Feature.
Bloghdad.com/Shalom
Through “interviews with US intelligence officials and nuclear experts,” MSNBC has created an info-packed, interactive map of Israel’s WMD programs and locations, only according to Common Dreams, it’s not actually reachable through the MSNBC site. [via robotwisdom]
Movie and Art Roundup
I’m in the last minute throes of editing the AM screenplay before dropping it off for a serious reading. Here are some movie and artsite suggestions to occupy you. A little “Look over there!” handwaving, so you won’t notice a slight drop in posting in front of you.
Some fine art weblogs have come my way:
Bloghdad.com/Brewster_Kahle
Danny O’Brien quotes Internet Archive founder Brewster Kahle: “What happens to libraries? they burn,” a pretty nihilistic-sounding comment if it’s taken to be a comment on Iraqi libraries burning.
And Cory Doctorow points to a librarian’s-eye critique of blithe, “oh, just reprint it all” dismissals of burning by people who “should know better.”
But so far, all I can actually find about this “quote” from Brewster Kahle, is this ancient (1996!) Slate article on the looming, Borges-ian threat of a web archive, i.e., never being able to forget anything, ever. According to the oh-so-long-ago peace, love and cyber-utopian understanding paradise that was 1996, this kind of (admittedly traumatic) institutional slate-wiping is necessary “to rid yourself of the past so you can go forward.”
Perhaps the rhetoric’s just a bit, er, overheated. It was 1996, after all. But now that we’ve actually had a good, old-fashioned library-burnin’ or two, are we prepared to entertain the possibility that an ahistoricist, culture-be-damned imperialism may actually be boldly revolutionary and forward-thinking? Just playin’ Rumsfeld’s advocate here…
4/22 Update/Clarification/Retraction: If your main goal is just email *volume*, you probably can’t do better than to unintentionally sound like you’re slamming/questioning netgods Brewster Kahle and Danny O’Brien. If, however, you actually *care* what people think, and you also happen to be a longtime worshipper/groupie of said gods, you should quickly add context when it’s provided.
More later, (gotta drop the car off for service) but start by checking Danny’s original interview with Kahle, and the original quote, which is much better than the abbreviated version (and not just because it calls a spade a spade on the Bush library burning issue).
http://www.oblomovka.com/entries/2002/12/05#1039148760
Bloghdad.com/British_Museum
Sue Ellicott writes in the Washington Post about how the British Museum (known, before last week, for having “the greatest collection of Mesopotamian antiquities outside Iraq”) mobilized during wartime. They quickly programmed lectures, gallery talks, and panels to meet the sudden surge in visitor interest in Assyrian and Mesopotamian art and culture.
And speaking of the British Museum: In the NYT, John Tierney looks at the Looting Formerly Known As Capitalism, Thank You, specifically, Lord Elgin’s “buying” the Parthenon frieze, which, inconveniently for present-day archeologist ideologues, saved it from destruction by the Turks. Or someone. I’m still waiting for Jeff Jarvis to slam France for not giving the Louvre back to Egypt. Or to the Pope.
Bloghdad.com/Gangsta_Life
The NYTimes‘ man in Baghdad, John F. Burns, talks to Newshour about the shakedowns and threats from his Iraqi Information Ministry handlers in the last days of the regime. Apparently, they were not all as funny as al-Sahhaf.
[4/19 update: In Sunday’s Times, Burns hits for the fence with a looong article on the thuggish nature of Saddam’s whole crew.
Bloghdad.com/Some_Looting
Arts Journal has an extensive round-up of coverage of the Iraqi National Museum and libraries looting/burning (Including LAT‘s Christopher Knight’s view of Bush admin. views of art/culture, which coincides with my own.It doesn’t include Pfaffenblog’s extensive discussion of possible pre-war collector lobbying at the Pentagon.) [via MAN]
Frankly, I’ve been surprised by the rather glib indignation of some peoples’ reactions to this issue (and I don’t mean Rumsfeld’s; his dismissiveness is entirelyto be expected.) If you’d suggested–two years, a year, even two months ago– that cuneiform diaries would become a poisonously partisan issue, you’d have been laughed out of whatever chatroom you’d wandered into. (If you’d said it in any more substantial forum, you’d’ve been hauled off in a padded wagon.)
But here we all are, screaming across the barricades, trying to spin a cultural tragedy (which has a primarily long-term impact on capital C Civilization, but almost no serious direct effect on any individual human alive) into instantaneous political pointscoring (which is designed to serve, above all, the ego and immediate wants of the person spinning). It’s like listening to ImClone derivatives daytraders arguing over the state of basic science research.