Felix Ano Nuevo. If you find yourself docked in Puerto Vallarta on New Year's Day, forget going into el Centro. All the internet cafes are closed, and the only attraction--besides the empty hulk that was Planet Hollywood, which still features the handprints of celebrity/shareholders like Gov. Schwarzenegger on its decaying facade--is the Queso Pie at McDonald's. Who'da thought?
No, stay near the ship like you're supposed to. Sharkey's got wi-fi for free, although it only reaches halfway to Deck 4. And to maximize your in-port entertainment, cross the street to Wal-Mart (and, if you've got a VIP card, the exclusive, member's only Sam's Club). The parking lot's full of traficante M-classes and Cayennes, and all the cabrons are sporting freshly shined alligator cowboy boots in an orgy of colors that'd do an NBA expansion team proud.
* Update: my sister informed me that Bingoboy--who I knew only by his embarassingly enthusiastic announcements which regularly interrupted the poolside reggae band--calls it Puerto Wal-Marta. I cannot in good conscience take credit for this coinage.
