Category: etc.

“Take My Wife, John Cage, Please”

I was just working with a John Cage recording on in the background which included his reading of excerpts from his journals. It included Cage telling this story, and it made me want to see what “going out of Holland backwards” meant, so I Googled it.
I still don’t know what it means, but when Cage told the story, he was the smoker, and instead of “wife,” he said “Merce Cunningham”:

In 1959 my wife and I toured Northern France and the Low Countries by traveling the intricate inland waterways – the canals that pervade this part of Europe. As we were leaving Belgium and entering The Netherlands, the fog became so thick that instead of our barge docking at a customs station, to expedite matters, customs officials came aboard the barge.
The passengers formed into several lines, and one by one were questioned. My wife was in one line and I in another. My wife was a smoker and I was not. However, I was taking five cartons of cigarettes into Northern Europe for her, and she had that number herself.
We were traveling through Holland to Luxembourg, and back through Belgium to France. The customs of all those countries varied with regard to cigarettes, For instance, you could at that time take five cartons per person into Belgium, but only two per person into Holland.
When I got to my customs officer, all of this was clear to both of us. Out of the goodness of his heart, he was reluctant to deprive me of my three extra cartons or to charge the heavy duty on them, but he found it difficult to find an excuse for letting me off.
Finally, he said, “Are you going to go out of Holland backwards?”
I said, “Yes.”
He was overjoyed. Then he said, “You can keep all the cigarettes. Have a good trip.”
I left the line and noticed that my wife had just reached her customs officer and was having some trouble about the extra cartons. So I went over and told the officer that my wife was going out of Holland backwards. He was delighted, saying, “Oh, in that case there’s no problem at all.”

Non Sequitars [sp] [rememory.com]
John Cage Featured on KPFA’s Ode To Gravity Series (December 12, 1987) [archive.org]

Does Spelling Count?

interview_pop_cult.jpg

Speaking of the 80’s, that was the last time I remember cracking open a copy of Interview Magazine. Judging from the excruciatingly tired art and pop culture names peppering this quiz given to prospective Interview employees, I guess I haven’t missed anything.
Plus, they spelled Philip Taafe, Polly Mellen, Sofia Coppola, and Steven Hawkin wrong.
Interview Pop Culture Test [tsg via gawker]

The In ‘N Out Mobile

in-n-out-mobile-apeindex.jpg

Inspired by Jason’s recent cross-country burger-thon, I’m in the middle of a back-to-back In ‘N Out/Shake Shack smackdown attack myself. [Tomorrow’s the ‘Shack.]
What would make the taste test a lot easier: an In ‘N Out Mobile Unit. Whaddya know, there is such a thing, and it was spotted last week among the other vehicular rarities at the 2006 Banks Gearhead Invitational car show. Stunning. I’m no Mister Hoopty, but I consider myself a car nut, and yet I’d never heard of such a ride.
I confess, I’m already leery of the test, though; at two visits in Las Vegas, the In ‘N Out fries were a lot spongier and less flavorful than I remembered. And even if they would drive this far, the In ‘N Out Mobile would be of no help; they don’t serve fries, only chips. Very strange.
Image: 2006 Banks Gearhead Invitational [postive ape index via hooptyrides]
“The “Minimum Charge” of $2,350.00 entitles you to 2 hours of service time”: In ‘N Out Burger Mobile Unit Agreement [pdf, in-n-out.com]
Shake Shack vs In ‘N Out Smackdown [kottke]

Waiting For Guffman Corbin Bernsen

Red Paper Clip Day could become an annual party, with residents encouraged to wear red paper clips as a Town symbol. The Town is in the process of designing a new logo which is to include a red paper clip.

– from The Citizen, Kipling, Saskatchewan, Canada, 06/30/06
Kyle MacDonald trades a role in snowglobe megacollector Corbin Bernsen’s next film to the town of Kipling.

One facet of the plan is to conduct auditions in Kipling for the part, perhaps as early as September.
MacDonald said he has discussed the idea with Bernsen, who has indicated great interest in the concept. MacDonald even hinted that the movie star and his family might become involved in the auditions and accompanying celebrations in some capacity.
“This is going to launch a cascading series of media events that will turn (yours and my) lives upside down,” MacDonald predicted to Roach.

one red paperclip [via waxy]
In other Kipling news, Kennedy-Langbank School had their Junior Drama Night on June 27. Coincidence?

Polygamist Slang, &c.

The Primer was compiled by the Utah State Attorney General as a resource for state agency personnel who deal with polygamist groups and individuals. It details the known polygamist groups in and around Utah and Arizona and provides background on the particulars of their beliefs, culture, practices, and terminology.
Most of my family’s been Mormon for generations, and I have polygamist ancestors along many branches of my family tree, but in the modern Mormon culture, polygamy has been treated almost entirely as a long-past historical oddity. People who practice it today are not considered to have any relationship or relevance at all to the LDS Church, even though they often see things otherwise. And even though their culture and beliefs are almost always a derivative of mainstream Mormonism.
The result is, I have never heard or seen any of this stuff–except for one word, “polyg”–even if some of the religious terminology is familar, it usually means something different [and it’s different between and even within contemporary polygamist communities.
Anyway, here is some polygamy-related slang:

  • Bleeding the Beast: An expression used by some fundamentalists as a rationale for accepting assistance (i.e., financial grants, WIC, TANF, food stamps, housing, medical assistance, etc.) from governmental agencies that may otherwise not be trusted. Occasionally, the same term may be used to justify abuse or exploitation of such systems. Within certain groups it is taught that “bleeding the beast” will assist God in destroying the “evil” U.S. government and is considered a righteous endeavor.
  • Creekers: Members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (FLDS) who live in Colorado City, AZ, and Hildale, UT are often called “Creekers.” The nickname “Creekers” began when this area was called Short Creek.
  • “Keep Sweet”: An admonition to be compliant and pleasant despite the circumstances.
  • Plyg (or Polyg): A highly offensive and demeaning term for those who practice polygamy. Care providers should be aware that this term is never acceptable and would hinder efforts to provide help.
  • Poofers: A slang term for girls who suddenly disappear from their community in order to take part in an arranged marriage. The girls are either kept hidden or moved to another state or country. This is most often used by the FLDS Church.
  • Second Ward or 2nd Warder: A derogatory slang term for families who left Hildale, Utah, and Colorado City, Arizona in the 1980’s to start their own community in Centennial Park. However, members of the Centennial Park community do not like this term because it suggests an association between the two groups. Members of the FLDS church in Hildale/Colorado City are also called “First-Warders.” [congregations in the mainstream LDS church are also called ‘wards,’ btw. -g.o]
    The Primer — Helping Victims of Domestic Violence and Child Abuse in Polygamous Communities [pdf, attorneygeneral.utah.gov via deseret news]

    • Marc Jacobs Kimono

    marc_jacobs_yukata.jpg
    Of course, it’s actually called a yukata, and it’s for wearing on summer evenings or hot days.
    And of course, it’s actually Marc by Marc Jacobs, the bridge line, but still. It is the only authentic Marc Jacobs logo kimono on the market right now. Women’s sizes only, I’m afraid.
    Marc Jacobs yukata, 48,300 yen [marcjacobs.jp via jeansnow]

    Letters! We Get Letters!

    Dear Representatives of,
    I visited you site as was interested in film “Black Book’s riotous Inside the Actor Love/Hate Studio session…” by Screenwriter Paul Thomas Anderson. I was very surprised and disillusioned to find out the link to the cigarettes web-store ptanderson.com on the page as I’m a non-smoker.
    This whole situation is disappointing because the subject of this film is against smoking.
    That’s why I kindly ask you to remove this link from your site! With
    hope for your cooperation and understanding to this matter!
    Best regards,

    Sure enough, the URL for what I once called “the blow-away best ‘unofficial’ filmmaker fansite around”, Cigarettes & Coffee, [after his first short], has been taken over by a cigarette retailer.
    Perhaps there was a trademark dispute with Mr Anderson, or perhaps the bigtime studio lawyers behind Jim Jarmusch’s Coffee & Cigarettes muscled them into changing it. You know what a Hollywood monkey Jarmusch is.
    In any case, the fansite is now called Cigarettes & Red Vines, and can be found at cigarettesandredvines.com. Can’t imagine any trademark problems with that one.
    PTAnderson.com is now Cigarettesandredvines.com. Please adjust your links accordingly. Thank you.

    Crowbars: 2, Maybach: 1

    Football team owner Gigi Becali [aka the Woody Johnson of Bucharest]’s car got sideswiped. So he and a henchman opened the door like they do in the old country: with a couple of crowbars and a sportsnews camera crew watching on.
    A Maybach hasn’t been subject to this kind of mitteleuropische humiliation since the Bulgarian-born Christo wrapped himself in one during “The Gates.”

    Video: Maybach schadeherstel     [autoblog.nl via jalopnik]

    Pink Lady = Jeff

    For the autumn sports festival season, many schools and kindergartens sang out “oh-ha!” and danced along to Shingo Mama’s song. The word was awarded a grand prize for trendy word of 2000. In the twenty-first century, “oh-ha!” just might become a standard morning greeting among the Japanese.

    First shiny mud balls and now oh-ha. The near-instantaneous global dissemination of Japanese flashtrends is one of the hallmarks of the new Internet Century.
    Meanwhile, between Shingo Mama and Turner Prize winning potter Grayson Perry, I predict large, doll-like cross-dressers will rule the world by 2010 at the latest
    Shingo Mama no Oh-Ha [google video via tmn]
    WHAT’S COOL IN JAPAN: July-September 2000: Shingo Mama [web-japan.org]

    Is This The Coup?

    Because there have been helicopters flying over the house in DC every five minutes for the last hour, apparently. Maybe we’re in the flight path to Camp David, or maybe we’re too close to Cheney’s house, which is where I’d imagine any coup would start.